Life in Limbo

"How are you?"

I really don't know how to answer that question right now.

There are things in my life that are starting to resemble what normal use to be like before we got THE news.

Mason is still a happy, playful, busy 3 year old little boy. He plays with his toys in the exact same way. He wants to go out and ride his bike, go to Disneyland, play at Grandma's house, get some lunch at McDonald's so he can play on the rocket ship play ground. He wants to play pirates/Peter Pan, knights, or anything that involves a good sword fight or dressing up in his guy costumes! He is completely into the "NO!" and the "I WANT TO DO IT!!" or "NO! I want to SAY it!" phase of life. We go grocery shopping, take quick trips to the mall, play dates with friends, and have dinners out with Daddy at our favorite restaurants, etc. Things are starting to resemble normal.

It's really not normal though. Things are definitely not normal. I like to tell people that we are in "The Eye of the Storm" right now. We just went through a huge rain storm, and things are strangely good. We're able to enjoy the green grass and blue skies, but the forecaster is still telling us that this storm is NOT over yet. Just taking a little brake. It feels like we have a little personal rain cloud following us around. Every time I start to get a little too comfortable with the sunshine, I hear some Thunder. Just enough from that rain cloud to let us all know it's STILL there.

We are in another waiting game. We have met with the Second Oncologist and he is getting lots of opinions on what our next step should be. There seems to be a lot of different opinions on how to treat Mason. He's consulting with lots of people all over the country to get opinions on what they would do. So we are waiting.

Mason is healing. He's got a pretty good size scar he will have to bare on the left side of his face. It's starting to heal, but it's pretty obvious. When we go out, we usually just place a band aid over it so we can dodge some of the stares and comments from strangers. Adults and children alike seem to loose themselves in thought when they see Mason. I feel like saying... "Don't you know it's rude to stare??!!!" But I don't. I just put on the biggest smile I can muster up and try to hurry on our way before they see the tears in my eyes. It's hard. He really doesn't notice the way mommy notices, unless someone brings it up or stares at him for a long period of time.

Cancer is such a personal thing for most people. When someone has breast cancer, they can STILL cover up their ugly scars and go out and have a normal day at the grocery store without strangers asking them what happened. Mason's scar is on his face. Not so personal, and LOTS of people asking questions and making comments.

Usually people say.. "WOW! You must have had a BIG fall!"
In which he replies! "NO! I had a mole on my face and it popped and they call it Mel-a-no-MA! The Dr did two surgeries to get it all off"

The person usually pauses for a long time. Usually smiling at him, but giving me questioning eyes and after what seems like I minute or two I usually confirm what he said with a nod of my head and I grab his hand and tell him it's time to go. The questions are starting to get old, so Shane and I have decided it's OK for him to make up a fun story to tell the strangers. They don't really need to know all of the gory details. So the story is one of make believe and lately usually goes something like this: "I'm a PIRATE! I got into a fight with Captain HOOK! He got my face with his sword, but don't worry... I WON!!! and the scar on my face is my badge of COURAGE!" Lol! It's WAY more of a fun story to tell.. and we can still keep a little of our privacy and not have to share and tell the same story over and over again.

We have had a conversation or two with our Oncologists who are suggesting that we treat Mason with a very high dose of Interferon. The treatment will last for four weeks, and he may need to stay in the hospital the entire time. I think that when that happens, that will be one of the hardest things he will have to go through. We'll know more in the next week or so.

We appreciate the love and support everyone has given to Mason and my little family. I have never felt so loved and so grateful to have such a strong support system surrounding me. Every day I find a card, a note, a package, balloons, some sort of delicious treat or sign on my door step for Mason. We have been well taken care of by our family, friends and neighbors over the last month! Thank you so much!